DIY therapy, and musings on society.

I recently made my not-so-triumphant return to blogging. The only reason I did it was because I had to get things off my chest. Honestly, that's a pretty common motivation for most of the things I do; if I hold onto the things that bother me, they grow into monsters. Truth be told, I'm an emotionally volatile person. Plenty of people just read that, and uttered "no shit" to themselves, I'm sure.

I'm not really the type of person to weep during a movie or anything, but I do feel things rather intensely. When a friend hurts, I hurt; when tragedy strikes, I fall into darkness. For a long time, I've tried, and failed miserably, to suppress my emotions. People who know me well have told me they can read me incredibly easy, and honestly that embarrasses me a great deal. As much as I'd like to be stoic, and cooler than an industrial fan in a meat locker, I'm simply not. I'm becoming okay with this, and more willing to embrace it fully, but I'll speak more on that later.

My biggest mistake was trying to suppress a natural part of me, as if there was something wrong. The only thing wrong with my hypersensitive nature is that I've let it get the best of me at times. I've learned that the best thing about making mistakes is that you get a good lesson out of it. All the times I've entered a room only to be greeted by groans, and disgusted glares have hardened my outlook, and made me more cautious around people. Some would say that's not a good thing, but for me its been quite useful in sorting through potential friends, and associates.

Sure, my hypersensitive nature has been a burden at parties, and a detriment at already stressful jobs, but it's part of who I am. As corny as it may sound, any part of who I am is just fine as it is because there's really nothing wrong with me at all. How can I create meaningful art without the ability to feel things so deeply? How can I spread love, and happiness throughout humankind if I've never felt it's joy, and the pain of it leaving?

On my journey through this life, I strive to become the greatest version of myself that I can manage. I suppose greatness sometimes requires suffering, and confusion; much like light requires dark. Balance is key, and here I am roaming the earth with an inner ear disorder. I won't lie, I enjoy absurdity at times, and sometimes I really do wonder if this is all an elaborate imagination. That's really the only way I can make sense of my life, and all its contradictions. Being a recluse living in public. Someone who often speaks in metaphor & parable in a time of 140 character limits. In short, a weirdo.

I don't claim to know much, but when I feel like I've figured something out, I like to share. I figure it's my duty as a human to help others if I can, and all I can really offer is my truth. All the knocks I've taken, and quirks I've tried to fight are just who I am, and I'm finally starting to not only accept that, but feel decent about it. It really doesn't matter if people don't understand you all the time, or if they think you're crazy, or whatever. All those little things are the building blocks that create your uniqueness; you're a rare jewel, with glorious flaws, celebrate them.

People tend to shun anyone who is different, and I've always thought that was wrong. I figured this out while attending church as a child. I noticed the congregation whispering about the new family that walked through the doors. The father (I assume) was dressed in fairly standard, white southerner attire: sorta tight jeans, and a NASCAR shirt. The rest of the family was in their "Sunday best", and was clearly embarrassed by the chorus of whispers. This was the last time I remember attending a church service. If so-called "people of God" were being just as petty & small-minded as the kids at school, I didn't need them. It seems people categorize, and pass judgement on others almost as a reflex, and that's got to change.

With so much attention lately on social justice, and bigotry in general, it seems that maybe there's a glimmer of hope we'll see true equality in our lifetime. I know there's still a long way to go, but when the future often feels so bleak, it's nice to celebrate a victory once in a while. It never lasts very long though, someone is always quick to rain on a parade, or burn something down. The old saying is unfortunately true, some people really do just want to watch the world burn.

They also want us to fight among ourselves, and lose focus, so we've got to be more mindful. We've got to check our emotions, and be pragmatic. Spread knowledge, and debunk misinformation without resorting to name-calling or "throwing shade". We're intelligent beings who too often don't choose our words more carefully; frankly, it's downright unintelligent. I don't know why humans don't want to listen to science unless it involves gadgets, gloom and doom, or pretty pictures of celestial bodies.

The fact is people are all the same other than minor differences in appearance, or thought process. As for sexuality, unless you're planning on trying to hook up with that person, it's none of your business. Whoever you are, you have no right to judge anyone for anything. I often look angry when I'm in public, but not because I think most people are idiots, it's because I'm a hermit, and light makes me squint. Things often have simple explanations as long as you don't blow them out of proportion. Don't be so quick to judge. 

I haven't met a person who doesn't want peace, happiness, and some sort of prosperity. No matter your skin color, gender, shape, size, or personality quirks, you're just a human being made of atoms formed from stardust floating on a planet in one of billions of galaxies. Relax, and be civil to each other; "nice" would be preferable, but you know how people are, we've got to crawl before we walk.